I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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