I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
