I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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