dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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