she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
How does one acquire holy water?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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