When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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