I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
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At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
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i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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