I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He did a backflip because drugs
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