His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
