I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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