So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
