No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have feelings that need drinking.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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