Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
