I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
you win again, gameday.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
