I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
