I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
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