i just had sex bonerless
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
