WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The chlamydia really affected his face.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize