I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
