i don't like sucking hair
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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