Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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