i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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