if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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