I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
