does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
