Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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