Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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