I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
