he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
