what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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