Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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