It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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