3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my sisters under your porch take her home
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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