we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I believe in your delicious
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
