running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
