i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
