While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
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