how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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