i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize