i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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