Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
