bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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