Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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