the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
