I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
