No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
