Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
