Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
