I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
