exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
