It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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