I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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