remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
