this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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