I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
