It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
