I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
