so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
