as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
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Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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