Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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