New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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