Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
