'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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