I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
