Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
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