I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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