this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
