I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
