omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
