this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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