just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
