The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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