Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
