No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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