I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
