When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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