One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
