Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
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