the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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